Why I’m Not Trying to Have or Do It All

You hear a lot these days about women wanting to do it all. To have it all. Wanting to have a family and a meaningful career. Wanting to keep up with the latest trends and have dinner on the table by 6pm.

I’m not gonna lie. It tempts me. The idea that we can do and have it all. But is it really an idea? Or an illusion.

This year I’ve been working on one new habit a month. The idea is that much of what we do in our lives is the result of our habits. By changing our habits, we change our lives.

January was all about having more fun. I liked it. It was cute. But I was ready for more for February.

I’ve got big aspirations. I’ve written about them here. To take me closer to what I want to achieve, this month was about keeping up with a weekly publishing schedule. Every week I would publish twice to my blog: once Monday and once Thursday.

So, what did I learn after a month of consistent publishing?

You can’t truly have and do it all.

You can’t, you ask? No. You can’t.

But, you see, that’s just the beauty of it. Why? Because we aren’t wired to have it all. No. In fact, it’s quite the opposite.

As human beings, we’re wired for struggle. We’re wired for challenge. And, ultimately, we’re wired for triumph. But we’re not wired to have it all.

My major challenges this month revolved around time management. How to get more done in the time I had. But I’m starting to realize it isn’t really about getting more done.

Instead, it’s about getting the right things done.

It’s about planning and getting strategic and being clear on what matters to you. On what success means to you, personally, and when and how you can reasonably get there. It’s about focus, not multi tasking. It’s about being present, not daydreaming. It’s about self-care, not burnout.

It’s about taking the time you have and asking: how do I want to spend this, given that I only have so much?

And so, here’s to lessons and sticking to goals and learning and tweaking and not trying to have or do it all.

I’m ready for next month! Are you?

 

Can We Really Have It All? Let’s Decide Together <3

Moming. The act of being a mom. A full time job.
Developing, launching and growing a business. Self explanatory. A major undertaking.
Living with integrity. Getting clear on what’s most important to you and living to uphold whatever that is. Fosters confidence and inner peace when done right.

Aspiring to live with integrity as you develop, launch and grow a business, all while being a mom?

Insane undertaking.

Doable?

Let’s decide together 🙂

Why I’m Writing This Blog

I’m feeling really excited. And a little nervous. And a lot gutsy.

Adrian and I started this blog a month ago after I came home from a yearly planning sesh at the local coffee shop. You can find my go to Goal Setting and Action Workbook here.

While Adrian sat with S as she played on the floor, I told him about how I’d been feeling the last few months. I told him that I was happy to have S in our lives but that I was also feeling like we didn’t have anything that was just ours anymore. One of my goals for the year, I said, was to work on a project together. To create, just for the sake of it. To make something for us, by us.

Adrian was up to the challenge.

It was important to me to give A the pick of medium. At the time, he had a lot going on work wise having started a new full time job while managing a retainer contract on the side. A thought for a bit and came back to me with the idea of a blog. We talked about what we might write and how it’d work and he went ahead and set things up.

Fast forward a few weeks and as life would have it, plans have shifted. Adrian’s writing is on the back burner for the time being because, well, time constraints. And I, miraculously, have kept up with my twice weekly publish schedule! Yay 🙂

So as I sit here, ready to jump into our second month, never one to stay standing still, I’m putting out a challenge to myself to get clear on what it is I want to achieve. To announce my goals to the world. Because, really, I know what they are. It’s just hard to say.

But saying and believing and putting in the effort is what I want to model to S. And so saying and believing and putting in the effort is what I’ll do.
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I’m writing this blog to make money. To earn an income. To contribute to my family. No, I’m not there yet. In fact, I’m a ways away. But I’ll get there. Because I can. (For the record, and just for laughs, I don’t even know what our traffic is at the moment or if we even have traffic. Or how to even check traffic! Guess I’ve got some learning to do, huh? :p)

I’m also writing this blog to challenge myself and to prove to myself that I can do it. Working for myself and having a real online presence is something I’ve been working towards for years. I’m thinking it’s about time I take a real step.

I was told last year that I have a voice that needs to be heard. How amazing does that sound? I’m not sure I believe it, but who am I to judge? So, finally, I’m writing this blog to share my voice. And I’ll share it in the hopes that something I say will bring something positive into the life of someone, somewhere out there. Vague? Yes. True? Wholeheartedly.

It would mean the world to me if just one reader told me that something I said brought hope or help or happiness into their lives. A lofty goal, yes. But also a real one.

So, friends, (reader(s), Google crawlers…) here’s to having goals. To saying and believing and putting in the effort. To seeing what we can truly do when we go all in.

Are you with me?

Do you have a reason behind why you blog? If so, I’d love to heard. Leave your inspiration in the comments below 🙂

The Sleep Sense Program: Sleep training progress update

Ooooooooooookay.

So it’s been two weeks since I wrote about how and why I made the jump to sleep training. I’d say it’s about time for an update, wouldn’t you?

Two weeks later. Where we at?

 

Nights

Where we were before sleep training – BST:

I slept in our bed with S. Adrian slept on the couch. S and I would be up a handful of times before 10pm and three to five times after. We’d average 3 to 4 feedings a night.

Where we’re at now – AST:

S sleeps in her crib for the better part of 12 hours each night. She wakes a couple of times most nights but quickly puts herself back to sleep. Whenever she needs us, we go to her. We’ve fed her twice in the night in two weeks.

How we got here:

Following The Sleep Sense program, we stayed in S’s room a total of nine nights, moving the chair closer to the door every fourth night.

The night after my last post was written – night three of sleep training – S slept TEN hours in a row. WHAT! Her previous record had been seven hours. Once! Back in September! Winning.

On the tenth night, last Monday, we laid S in her crib and left the room. The chair was done!

This was tough.

After a difficult night or two with lots of visits and loving reassurances, S now falls asleep happily and willingly on her own. I’d add too that the trigger effect of her bedtime routine seems to have multiplied. The cherry on top 😉

 

Naps

BST: S would nap in the carrier for 20 to 40 minutes at a time. Longer in the car seat if we were lucky.

AST: S takes two to three naps a day in her crib for 30 to 120 minutes each time. I sit in her room with her until she falls asleep.

How we got here:

We took the same approach to naps as nights.

On the third day of leaving the room, I reintroduced the chair. Judgment call to make life easier and happier for the little lady and me.

Seriously! For all you newbie parents out there: Parenting Tip Number One! Inform yourself, read lots, but always, always do what works best for your family. You won’t regret it. I promise <3

And there you have it! You’re up to speed on all the sleep being had in the Scott house.

Worth the wait, amiright?

Fatherhood

I remember thinking back to when Jessica and I were considering in having a child. It was one of the first real decisions I’ve ever experienced in my life where it gets you thinking about the long term. Of course buying a house and marriage have some of that thought process, but bringing a life into this world (and the responsibility it invokes) is something else entirely.

I remember feeling that I wasn’t 100 percent ready. That if I could just have one more year to get my finances in better shape and to be further along in my career that then I would be prepared. Problem was, this was the exact same thing I was thinking a year previously.

Knowing that I wasn’t getting any younger and that, while not perfect, we were in a decent position to have a child financially, I finally felt swayed (with the encouragement of my wife, of course.)

With that our little lady was conceived leading to a roller coaster of emotions. I was so happy to know that what I really wanted in my life – a child of my own to love, care for, and raise – was on the way, I was terrified as well. I was the one responsible for providing for our little family. Was it enough? Did I have the stability and support I needed? Could I carve out enough time to actually be home and support my wife physically and emotionally in the way I wanted? There were so many unanswerable questions.

But I was glad to dive in. Holding little Sammy for the first time made me forget about all my worries and filled my heart with so much love and desire to be the best father I could be. My outlook has changed on life. I’ve found myself to be much less worried about money and moving up in my career and a lot more focused on a balance. I want to be the dad who is available, present, and dependable. I want to be a good family man.

The journey is hard and I find myself fighting with my old ideals, sometimes on a daily basis, but it gets better. Keep focused on that 5 year plan and be there for your family in every way you can.

Hello, I’m a dad and I’m doing my best.

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: Part Two

This is part two in my series on The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. If you’re just joining us, you can catch up with part one here.

Here we go-oooooooooooooooh!

Books.

Yup! That’s right. Fresh outta the gate and I’m already changing things up on this KonMari journey 😉 But that’s how I roll.

This is what I started with:

The first step in Marie’s method, as you may have guessed from that photo above, is to gather every item of a particular category in one place. She says start with clothes. I started with books. Potato. Potahto.

I’ll give you guys a quick rundown on how things progressed. Then I’ll get into what I learned, what I liked and what made me laugh.

Let’s go!

As life goes, on my first pass through I was a total noob. Will this work? Am I doing it right? What if I get rid of a book I should keep or keep a book I don’t need? I’ve got second guessing down pat 😉

Once I made it through, I was able to breathe a little. This isn’t a linear process and you can keep going until you feel done. Relief!

I took another two passes.

The books and I went from this…

to this…

to this…

to, drumroll, please… this.

Win!

Okay, so, what did I learn?

Like Marie promised, I had waaaaaaay more books than I would have guessed. All those? Mine. As someone who had prided themselves an active discarder, it came as a bit of a surprise. And yes, it’s true. You do collect items in multiple locations.

What I liked

I liked the feeling of relief I had after the stress of that first pass.

LOL.

No really though.

I also liked the feeling that I was taking real steps towards reducing. Progress! I felt a shift in weight when I stopped to take stock in what I was doing.

My visual self and I also looooooved filling up our reusable grocery bags full of items to carry out the front door. Sweet, sweet success.
What made me laugh

How accurate Marie was in her description of how things would go down. My experience was pretty much to the T. I love stuff like that! Ahh, the shared human experience and just how predictable we all are. Group hug!

I also had a little chuckles at my final pile. Had I used only my logical mind, I never would have picked out the arrangement of books I ended up with. But that’s the point, right? You don’t use your logical mind. You use your feelings. And that’s why I think it works 🙂

And there you have it. The nitty gritty of my first taste of KonMari! Stay tuned for part three in this series, coming soon.

Now, tell me in the comments below: are you an active discarder? If so, what’s your method? Have you ever tried gathering every item of one category in the same location?

If I Ran the World

In the last five days I’ve read one book, watched two webinars, enrolled in one online course and taken one trip each to the local library and middle school. How is all of this relevant? Well, it isn’t, except for the fact that I came across a question during my travels that really got me thinking.

If I ran the world, how exactly would I run things?

Well…

If I ran the world, we would all help each other a little more. We would smile at one another and lend a hand.

If I ran the world, every child would be raised to know their worth and their perfect imperfection. Hugs and love would be unlimited!

If I ran the world, every person would be treated as equal because every precious baby is born with the same value as the next and that value is a birth right; it’s not on the table.

If I ran the world, we would respect one another and the ebbs and flows of life. We would lean on one another during the tough times and celebrate, arm in arm, during the highs.

If I ran the world, every parent would be equipped with the knowledge and support needed to raise their child to the best of their ability.

And, if I ran the world, every Sunday would be a holiday!

While, as I’m guessing most of you know, I don’t, in fact, run the world, I do run our home (alongside Adrian, of course :p). And while we and a great many others aren’t happy with the state of certain things these days, we’re so thankful for the influence we have over our little place in the world and the space in which we raise S.

As life continues on and things happen that are out of our sphere of control, I’m grateful to know that we still have a say over how the conversation goes at home. As parents, I think that’s such a powerful tool and something we should keep in our daily toolbox.

Now, we’re all great at voicing our thoughts over current events, but have you ever stopped to think how you would run things if you ran the world? Let us know in the comments below – we’d love to hear from you 😀

Mood: Determined

Man, this blog stuff is hard! I have no shortage of ideas but once I sit down to write, I get stuck.

So while I work on getting a little better at this, I’m just going to do what works for the moment.

Here are some thoughts for today:

  • “The fastest way to get to where you want to be is to start where you are.”
  • I love questions. Everything you need is within you and questions are the key to unlocking it all.
  • It feels great to get unstuck.
  • When you follow through on your goals, you show yourself you’re capable. When you don’t, you show yourself the opposite.
  • It’s tough to find your comfort level between under- and over-sharing.
  • Vulnerability feels so bad and so good (read: so uncomfortable and so… right).
  • I’m feeling really excited for the future.
  • I love my family.

That’s it! Stay tuned for more awesome-ness, guys. No seriously though, I’m excited for this journey and to practice and improve 🙂

What was the last thing you had to work at to perfect? Tell me in the comments below.

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up

Hey-yo! How is it February already? Just like that, the first month of 2017 is gone! Did you guys make the most of it?

Today I want to tell you a little about a book that has been changing my life as of late: The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up.

I think I’m in love <3

Something you should know about me before we dive in: I’m the self-confessed “messy” person in our marriage. Now, like most “untidy” people, I didn’t set out to be this way. I just have a bit of a knack for ignoring clutter. Needless to say, cleanliness has been a bit of a recurring topic in our home!

Okay, back to the book 😉

Now this little jewel was picked up during one of our holiday shopping trips last year. As luck would have it, the dreamy yellow-green cover caught my eye as I rounded a corner at our local book store. It was the only outward facing book on a shelf full of spines. Meant to be if you ask me 😉

I walked over to get a quick read of the title and instantly thought of Adrian. Hope for him after all these years!

Inside, author Marie Kondo shares her approach to decluttering – an approach which I hadn’t come across before. New takes on common problems always make me swoon 😀

The book is an easy read and while I haven’t yet gone cover to cover, in my mind it’s the type you put to use as soon as you get the jist.

So, what’s so great about this book, you ask?

To me, the writing. While it gets more than a little repetitive a chapter or two in, Marie really had me believing that her approach could work enough so that I was willing to give it a try. And try I did!

As of writing, I’ve discarded or sold three bags of books and four bags of clothes and I feel so. much. lighter. Seriously, it’s like a breath of fresh air. Exactly what I’ve been looking for!

You know all those things you hear about creating space in your life, letting go of the past and making room for the present? Ya, well, turns out they’re true.

By rough estimate, I’d say I’m about a third of the way through my possessions and I haven’t lost motivation yet. In fact, I’ve gained! Positive snowball for the win 🙂 As an added bonus: Adrian will be the first to tell you just how much time I’m investing in keeping our place clean. We’ve even joked that he’s the new messy one 😮

If this post has your attention, I’ve got good news! You didn’t think this would be the end, did you?

Over the next month or two I’ll be doing a mini series on my experience with decluttering and tidying using the KonMarie Method. I’ll include my thoughts and some shots as we go along and give you a better idea of what this is all about.

For now, let me know in the comments below how you deal with clutter! Is it under control in your home? Could you stand to part with a few things? We’d love to hear from you!